A happy and fruitful marriage

As can be witnessed by my recent posts, I really like football... as a TV advertisement says it, it is the most important of the non-important things in life. Football has been part of my life almost since the beginning, being my father's favourite sport and the ubiquitous activity in the streets of my small town. For the most part of my primary education I attempted to be part of the school's team by attending the training sessions in the beginning of the year just to be dismissed a month later because I was not good enough. Obviously I was never the only child left out, but it felt like it nonetheless. In any case, I always found solace playing with my grandma's neighbours in the afternoon. Playing was very competitive, rivalries defined by where your house was or by little groups of friends. Generally I was the oldest and my team the most successful, usually composed of my sister, my brother and others not picked by the challenging team. During the games, my attention was never only on the ball: I would try to protect my siblings, keep the ball off the road, keep an eye on the time. I guess football was one of the first things that made me connect with my sister up until I was about 14. For some reason I tended to behave as the know-it-all big brother and when my sister reached puberty, which was probably at the same time as I did, we began drifting apart. Then I left home and omissions, more than actions, kept us far away. For more than ten years it was as if indifference was present when I was not home and, when we were near, we would engage in heated debates about important topics in our lives; we were not able to understand each other's stance because of the time apart. Then, my sister, my parents, other family members and I had the chance to travel together for a couple of weeks to places none of us had visited. Before the trip I realised that I wanted to use the opportunity to bond more with my sister but my continuously bossy attitude did not yield a positive result in our relationship. Nevertheless, I was happy that our previous quarrels did not surface and we could enjoy the time together. The experience was not negative, but I need to put more effort to really feel that we have a healthy connection. The situation, though, may not change in the near future, or possibly ever, because we have not committed to look out for each other or communicate frequently. That also happens between me and my brother; I only know from him through my parents. How is the relationship between my two siblings? I strongly suspect that it is much closer. Granted, I left home when they were 12 and 9 and they stayed together six more years but I think, as the oldest, I ought to reach out to them a lot more frequently. Will I ever do it? What does it have to change in my life to realise that I need to really know the people who are most like me, both physically and emotionally? The event of today is a big blow. My sister is getting married and I am not by her side, hugging her or fulfilling any impromptu requests. I am a number of miles away blaming it on the lack of money and my current professional situation. Nevertheless, today is one of the unforgettable days of her life, and possibly of mine too. Will she feel resentment? Doubt it, although I would not blame her if she did. What do I feel? What can I do? I certainly feel that I let her down but, even though I cannot change that, I vow to take the initiative so that we are closer from now on. Let us toast for that in your magic night, Little Sister! For happiness and for a long-lasting* and fruitful marriage! * To clarify, when I say long-lasting I do not mean that there is the possibility of a rupture but that I pray for both spouses to have a long life. Should I post about my views on marriage and/or on death?